Why is meditating so damn hard?
First let me say upfront that there is no single “right” way to meditate. For years I was frustrated because I would read a particular book or attend a class that would teach you how-to meditate. The problem was that each one of these methods was always different. Some were vaguely similar while other methods were completely incompatible with what I was told to do before.
As a result, I found myself constantly changing meditation techniques, which of course, meant that I wasn’t doing very well with any of them. It seemed like every other week I was having to learn an entirely new system. It was as if I was picking a new religion where if I practiced this then I had to give up that, but if the one I gave up was really the “right” one, then I was completely screwed! The irony here was that I was becoming stressed out from having to try out all of these new techniques to relax. This bizarre process continued on until I finally had enough and I stopped meditiating all together.
I simply gave up.
In fact, it wasn’t until several years later that I finally came back to it, although this time with a completely different attitude. I was done with the meditation classes. I was done with the books. I was done with the gurus. Instead, I just sat down started to practice. No crib notes, no instructional tapes, and no supplies. Just me, a chair, and my really frantic brain (more on this in a moment). In other words, I just started doing it and eventually I discovered a few things along the way.
What I learned about meditation:
[Please remember when I say that I did this or I did that, it doesn't mean that you should necessarily do it this way. All it means is that here are some techniques that have worked for me. If you are already a meditation master, please stop reading this and read one of my hilarious articles instead.]
Now that all of the meditation experts are gone, we can move on. . .
The first thing I discovered is that it’s not about doing it right, it’s just about doing it.
It seems that we all naturally crave a “system” to work with. We want a book, a class, or an expert to show us the way. We hate the idea of doing something on our own and possibly make a mistake (gasp!) along the way. This is true whether we are buying an outfit or investing in the stock market, we want someone holding our hand and reassuring us that we are heading in the right direction. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but when it comes to something as personal and subjective as communicating with our own subconscious mind, we are often far better off on our own.
So if you are interested in learning to meditate, my first piece of advice is to find a quiet place, sit, and wait.
Despite what you might have heard, you are not required to sit on the floor with your legs twisted awkwardly in a full-lotus position. Just find somewhere quiet and sit.
Secondly, you don’t have to “do” anything. Just wait.
The best description of this process I’ve heard is if you can imagine a pebble thrown into a pond. You have to wait long enough for the ripples and the surface turbulence to subside before you are able to see through the water into the inner depths. Likewise, in order to see into your own inner depths you have to wait for your mind to clear. You can’t force this to happen, you simply have to wait for it happen. . . Oh and one more thing, while you’re waiting you can’t throw any more pebbles into the water by thinking of new things.
So stop thinking dammit!
Some experts say that in order to do this, you have to be able to completely clear your mind. The school of thought here is that you simply “release” your thoughts and are left with blissful emptiness. . .
While this may work great for some people, I usually have way too much crap running around in my head to simply be able to empty it out into the universe. I don’t know about you but I have enough trouble remembering the stuff I am supposed to remember let alone trying to let it all go willingly. Besides, I have discovered that my mind just doesn’t shut up. . . unless it has something else to work on.
Rawhide Bone Theory of Meditation:
There is another way to quiet the mind. Just like we give a puppy a rawhide chew bone to keep him from chewing through the entire dining room furniture collection, I believe we need to give the mind something to hold on to. This is the basis of “focused meditation”. The theory here is that we give the mind something to focus on so that it doesn’t end up running around like a hyperactive four-year-old in a candy store.
So what exactly do we focus on?
There are many different things that we can focus our attention on and we will be talking about some of various methods in the future. For right now, however, we are going to focus on one particular method called candle meditation.
In a nutshell, candle meditation is simply focusing your attention on the flame of a burning candle.
Why a candle?
It doesn’t really have to be a candle, in fact it can be a piece of artwork, a mandala, or even a curious speck on the wall. It doesn’t really matter what it is exactly, but it has to be something interesting enough to hold your attention. I personally like using a burning candle because the flickering flame is constantly changing.
[At this point I feel compelled to remind you that fire can be dangerous. Please don't ever leave burning flames unattended. If you think you might fall asleep while meditating, please don't use candles. Kids, don't try this at home. If you choose to use burning candles while meditating, you do so at your own risk. . . yadda, yadda, yadda]
Candle Meditation Method:
You can either sit in a chair or on the floor. If you sit in a chair, be sure that you are comfortable but sitting upright. Trying to meditate in an overstuffed recliner at 6:00 in the morning is probably too much to ask. I also prefer to use one of the thicker “pillar” type of candles for meditation because they are much sturdier, will burn longer, and are less messy than traditional taper candles. Put the candle on a table in front of you and light it.
Sit down, take a few deep breaths and then just focus your attention on the flickering flame of the candle. Keep in mind that you aren’t trying to “control” the flame with the power of your mind–you’re just observing it. Ignore any thoughts that may pop into your mind at this point and just focus your attention on the flame.
There’s nothing else to do!
Meditation is not something you need to work at or achieve. There are no scout badges or trophies that we can earn on our way to enlightenment. It is something that you simply do. It is simply a process where we are learning to slow down our thoughts and focus our mind in the present moment.
When you are first staring out, you may want to limit yourself to no more than 10-15 minutes once a day and gradually work your way up to no more than 30 minutes twice a day. Remember that more is not necessarily better here.
It doesn’t really matter what time you choose to meditate. Personally, I have found that meditating first thing in the morning not only sets a positive tone for the rest of my day, but by doing it in the morning, it’s less likely to be bumped by other activities.
Unfortunately, the benefits of meditation aren’t something that are easy to describe, and chances are if I tried, you would probably think that I was one of those feel good new-age gurus who’s completely out of touch with reality. So my advice is to simply try it out for yourself and see what happens.
Do you meditate?
Why do you think meditation is worthwhile or not?
What meditation tips or techniques can you share with us in the comment section below?
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